There’s a veritable arsenal in every household kitchen, and most times we don’t even realize it. But thanks to the creativity of filmmakers, any innocuous object can become a lethal weapon in the right hands. It’s always been an interesting topic to me – one of the ideas I like to toss around is a film about a hitman who only uses household objects – so I’ve catalogued fifteen memorable makeshift weapons from movie history. It’s time to see your house in an entirely different light.
14. The Pencil in The Dark Knight
Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight is filled with tense action sequences including a heist, multiple bombings, and an assassination attempt during a police parade. But none of the murders are more memorable than The Joker’s “magic trick” where he slams a thug’s head on a sharpened pencil.
13. Peanuts in Daredevil
There’s a lot to be said about Daredevil. Mostly that it’s terrible. However there was one shining character in the film – Bullseye (Colin Farell) – a villain with lethal accuracy and the ability to turn any object (playing cards, paperclips) into a weapon. While seating next to a talkative old woman on a lengthy plane trip, an annoyed Bullseye flicks one of his complimentary peanuts against the tray – directly into her mouth. She chokes and Bullseye peacefully closes his eyes to get some sleep.
12. Shards of Glass in Oz
Alright, while the HBO show Oz isn’t a film, I still think it’s necessary to document what is probably the cruellest use of a household object to kill a person. A couple prisoners working in the cafeteria grind up glass shards and serve them to a fellow prisoner for a period of weeks. Eventually he dies from internal hemorrhaging (which isn’t actually possible). Another honourable mention from Oz would be in a later season when the character Beecher (Lee Tergesen) sharpens his fingernails to the point where he is able to slice another man to death with them. Yikes.
11. Industrial-Grade Lumber Microwave in Kick-Ass
While it’s a little bit bigger than the typical microwave in your household kitchen, the industrical-grade lumber microwave in Kick-Ass is an example of the dangerous uses of the machine, just on a bigger scale. A couple of thugs place a hapless Russian gangster into the microwave to torture him into admitting that he stole money from them. Unfortunately, he didn’t; the vigilante Big Daddy (Nicolas Cage) did. Cue blood burst.
10. Scissors in The Faculty
The 1998 sci-fi/horror hybrid The Faculty makes use of pens as the main lethal weapon in a war against invading body snatchers (who choose to embody high school teachers), but the first death in the film occurs when two body-snatched faculty members (Robert Patrick and Piper Laurie) slic the principal with scissors. And that’s just the beginning of the movie.
9. Drano in Urban Legend
It’s usually used to clean out sinks. In Urban Legend, the killer sticks a funnel down a victim’s throat and pours a bottle of Drano in. Let’s just say the killer doesn’t call poison control afterwards.
8. Typewriter in Misery
Trapped author Paul Sheldon (James Caan) battles the psychotic Annie Wilkes (Kathy Bates) by slamming a typewriter against her head. While that only fazes her (even after she’s landed head-first on it) she’s finished off when Paul plunges one of her steel pig statues against her forehead.
7. The Kitchen Sink in The Last House on The Left (Remake)
It’s fitting that the family in The Last House on The Left kills one of the villains by drowning them in the kitchen sink. Defending themselves against a group of vicious criminals they use everything to their disposal – garbage disposal unit, fire iron, and a microwave among other things. Their household is literally an armory of weapons.
6. Carrot in Shoot ‘Em Up
I really like this movie. It’s over-the-top, wildly unrealistic, and a glorious live-action cartoon. It also makes a carrot a deadly weapon in the film’s first act, when Mr. Smith (Clive Owen) stabs a thug through the skull with one. What’s up, Doc?
5. Lawnmower from Dead Alive
Peter “Call me Lord of the Rings” Jackson’s 1992 splatterfest Dead Alive (or Braindead in some regions) is a comic horror film with arguably the best weapon since Ash J. Williams’ chainsaw hand from the Evil Dead series. Lionel (Timothy Balme) finds himself battling a legion of undead hordes in his family home. Without any typical weapons to fend the creatures off, he grabs his trusty lawnmower, sets it on spin and lets the blood fly.
4. Records from Shaun of the Dead
Shaun (Simon Pegg) and buddy Ed (Nick Frost) use the former’s vinyl record collection as a defense against the undead. Of course, the records need to be sorted through to see which ones are valueless enough to be thrown. Batman soundtrack, I’m looking at you.
3. Radio in Mars Attacks
Humans defending themselves against an alien invasion discover that the creatures are vulnerable to a Slim Whitman song called “Indian Love Call.” Holding radios with the song blasting, the humans walk around as the heads of the aliens around them explode. This probably wouldn’t work in the real world – unless you’re playing Ke$ha’s “Tik Tok” at full volume. That will kill someone.
2. Soap in a Sock in Full Metal Jacket
The soap assault doesn’t kill Pvt. Leonard “Gomer Pyle” Laurence (Vincent D’Onofrio) but it’s certainly the point that drives him over the edge. Who knew soap could be so damaging?
1. The T-Bone Steak in Law-Abiding Citizen
Clyde Shelton (Gerard Butler) arrives in prison after taking justice into his own hands and killing the man who murdered his family. But he has information that the DA (Jamie Foxx) needs: the location of a buried attorney. In exchange for the information, Clyde requests a meal of French fries, asparagus, and a porterhouse steak. After finishing his meal he uses the bone from the steak to murder his cellmate.
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