Bridesmaids/Something Borrowed – Part 2: Something Borrowed

Both of these films have the least sympathetic protagonists in years. In Bridesmaids, it was Annie. In Something Borrowed, it’s Rachel (Ginnifer Goodwin).

Something Borrowed (Or the case of Love Justifies Everything):

Something Borrowed goes something like this: Rachel’s best friend Darcy (Kate Hudson) is getting married to Dex (Colin Egglesfield). Rachel had a crush on Dex during law school but was too timid to ask him out or show her true feelings for him, and even though he’s been dating Darcy for six years she’s still in love with him. Moving on is not one of the character’s strong suits.

Even more surprising than Rachel’s unrequited love for Dex is that he has the same feelings for her. Once again, I wonder about the logic of these characters. So Dex has loved Rachel for six years but instead of actually, y’know, being with her, he dates her best friend Darcy instead (and then proposes to her). Riigght.

SPOILER ALERT: They sleep together. Like a month before the wedding. Remove “timing” from their strong suits.

In any normal situation, no one would sympathize with Rachel. Just imagine this exchange on the street with two old friends:

Old Friend #1: Hey, did you hear about Darcy’s best friend Rachel? She slept with the groom a month before the wedding.

Old Friend #2: OMG. What a bitch.

Old Friend #1: I know right? I mean, that was Darcy’s fiancee, what kind of person do you have to be to do something like that?

Old Friend #2: Well I dunno, maybe she loved the groom for a really long time, and he loved her back for a really long time, and maybe they’re meant to be together?

Old Friend #1 looks at #2 with a questioning glance.

Old Friend #2: Okay, still a bitch.

So how does the movie reconcile this apparently clear-cut assessment of Rachel’s character? By making Darcy an awful human being. Isn’t that nice how everything works out in the end?

Here’s the thing: Rachel and Darcy don’t have a friendship. They have a competition. Darcy is an alcoholic party animal (the movie gives no indication of what her job is though signs point to trust fund baby) and her interactions with Rachel are either strained or flat-out unconvincing (I’m thinking of a climatic scene where Darcy has a sleepover with Rachel and they decide to burst out into a spontaneous choreographed dance, despite Rachel having just had an emotional conversation with Dex on the phone. But hey, when I’m hiding a affair with my best friend’s fiancee with my best friend in the room, the first thing I want to do is dance to Salt-n-Pepa too. Understandable). In real life, these two characters would not be best friends. They may have been in high school, but once Rachel started law school and Darcy found gin, that friendship would’ve evaporated.

I can’t stand movies like this because they manage to shoehorn a horrible and distasteful action into something socially acceptable. It’s okay that Dex and Rachel slept together, because they’re truly in love. And when two people are truly in love, everything will work itself out. Like Darcy won’t actually be in love with Dex. And when they break up she’ll immediately have a new relationship. And Dex’s parents or guests won’t care. They’ll just be happy that their son found the person he should truly be with, no matter how many people had to be emotionally crushed along the way. Love in romantic comedies becomes the justification for the most heinous actions. Replace “Love” with “God” and “Romantic Comedy Characters” with “Fundamentalist Right-Wing Christian Groups” and maybe you’ll see why I find films of this ilk so distasteful.

So why did I hate Rachel? It actually has nothing to do with the fact that she slept with Dex and ruined her best friend’s six-year relationship. I could have cared less. I didn’t like her because she‘s dumb. The film is littered with flashbacks of her fond memories of law school with Dex. In the pivotal moment when Darcy “steals” Dex from Rachel she’s given about fifty chances to say that she’s not okay with her best friend dating her crush. Instead of just saying that she’s not okay with it…she says that she is okay with it, over and over again. The logic of the two characters who apparently graduated from law school is frightening, to say the least.

Here’s a final caveat (SPOILER ALERT):

John Krasinski’s character admits that he is in love with Rachel, and has been for a long time. Rachel looks at him, nods her head, and gives him the “thanks-but-no-thanks” spiel. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? The movie makes it pretty clear that its okay if Darcy’s feelings are trampled all over (by making her a complete tool), but I didn’t realize that extended to EVERYONE who gets in the way of the Rachel-Dex courtship. Unbelievable.

Something Borrowed should be renamed to Something Shitty.

Grade: F

Bridesmaids/Something Borrowed – Part 1: Bridesmaids

Bridesmaids and Something Borrowed have the least likeable protagonists I’ve seen in quite some time.They’re self-centered, dramatic, and generally, self-destructive. While watching the films I found myself rooting against the two women and hoped that the film wouldn’t have a formulaic happily-ever-after ending (they did, despite the protagonists being totally undeserving of it). Why is it that we can not only grossly overlook a character’s faults but actually forgive them for it as long as the film’s a comedy?

Bridesmaids (Or The Case of the Broken Tail Light):

Is that what tends to happen when someone’s best friend gets married? Instead of being happy for the bride, the lead character Annie (Kristen Wiig) is only concerned with her antagonism of another bridesmaid (Rose Byrne) and competes with her to be the “Best Bridesmaid” (a bit reminiscent of the conflict in Black Swan). Er..I thought being the Maid of Honor meant she already won that one, but what do I know?

For the film to get the audience to sympathize with Annie she’s given endless incarnations of bad luck. She sleeps with a douche who isn’t interested in having a relationship with her (a surprising, and hilarious, turn from the generally suave Jon Hamm). She used to run a bakery but it went out of business during the recession. She’s pretty much broke and lives with two obnoxious British siblings in a small apartment. Her life is basically hitting rock bottom. So it’s okay if she screws up her best friend’s wedding. I mean, she’s hitting rock bottom, so anything she does (throw a temper-tantrum, have an hour and a half long pity party) must be forgivable.

Here’s the biggest reason why I hated the character of Annie: her broken tail-light. In Bridesmaids, Annie has a few chance run-ins with the Nicest Cop in Movie History (Chris O’Dowd), who pulls her over for a broken tail-light but ultimately lets her off the hook after listening to her sob song. Not only that, but he gives her the number of a mechanic who will give her a good deal (the best four-letter word in the world – Free). Of course, he becomes her romantic love interest.

So here’s the thing: Annie doesn’t get her tail-light fixed. For months. WTF.

The Nicest Cop in Movie History overlooks it for awhile because, yeh know, he likes her. But, in following the fashion of all rom-coms (boy meets girl, boy and girl hit it off, totally unnecessary gimmick/accident/secret breaks couple apart briefly), the Nicest Cop in Movie History gets pissed off at Annie and has an angry speech that ends with his frustration that she still hasn’t got her tail-light fixed, even though letting her off was a personal favor.

I hear what you’re thinking (“C’mon Modest Movie, give her a break, she’s going through a rough time with her friend getting married and her being a thirty-year old single woman with no boyfriend and no money”). You know what though? The Nicest Cop in Movie History does give her a break. And she repays him by doing nothing. Generally when that happens my sympathy meter for a character shuts off. Here’s the scene I enjoyed the most in the movie: when Annie and the Nicest Cop in Movie History are fighting, she spends countless hours baking a beautiful cake for him to say sorry. She drives to his house and leaves the cake box on the front door step with his newspaper and sits waiting in her car for him to open the door. When he does, he picks up his paper, looks at the cake box and then leaves it sitting on his front step. The next time Annie drives by the cake is still there, with raccoons eating it up. Now that’s funny (and deserved).

Bridesmaids isn’t that bad of a movie. Most of the characters are actually pretty funny (my favorite being the bride’s husband Dougie, who doesn’t get to say a word in the entire movie) and it has some good sequences (the plane ride to Vegas is fantastic). I just can’t understand why the anchor of the movie is Annie, who is pretty much the least likeable character (only a step up from Jon Hamm, in my opinion). My hatred for her character really hurt my enjoyment of what is otherwise a passable movie.

Grade: C-